so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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