the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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