We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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