Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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