I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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