Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
