i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
