seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
