im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
