I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
