Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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