when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
