I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
