i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
How's work?
Spinning.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
