i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
