i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
