apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
