Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
