GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
