Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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