I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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