I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
my nose is crying tears of wow.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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