i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize