Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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