You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
