Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
