well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
