You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
