True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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