Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
