You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize