I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize