His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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