My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
