Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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