I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
