New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
