i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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