We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
