____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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