we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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