remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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