It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
