i just wanna soil my oats bro
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
