Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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