Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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