I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
