Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
