I wanna passion pit in your ass
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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