I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
