things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
