I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
