i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
