I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
