the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
