last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize