I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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