White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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