I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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