if i can run in heels then i can drive
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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