If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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