I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize