Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
