Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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