we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize