non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
