Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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