I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
