**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
