i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
jump out the window naked night went bad
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
